Friday, May 16, 2008
hi. feeling abit emo today. dunno why. after i saw something. yea. and i became pretty emo. i dont know why i felt tt way when i saw them, but well...i simply dont know. maybe im a little sensitive. but.. i dont know why im like this. though i was quite pissed abt tt, but i tried to tolerate and tried nt to be unreasonable or anything. cos i dun wan to make things awkward. i dont wanna lose my temper or anything. so i'd rather tolerate when im angry, hold back my tears when im sad, and try nt to vent my anger or cause other ppl to be sad. keeping it to myself is better than causing another person to be the same as me. i'll rather sacrifice my happiness for many other pple to be happy. im nt as selfish as some of u thought. i dont care whatever u all think.. im just myself.
today was feeling plain pissed at some things. pple disturbing me in front. pple making noise behind. and being insulted abt my results indirectly by pple who were showing off their results simply suck. coz of the noise i went to toilet with clammy. finally feel like something off my ear. all the noise and suckish pple.. having the good tcher checklist thing during hist. crapped alot and talked to shukkan and clairene abt alot of crap and we had quite a good laugh.. its fun sitting w ur best frens. at least they can understand u and cheer u up. seriously. i feel that ur bf isnt the one who understands u most. its ur BFFs..
second period was pe. first was jogging on the spot. jog 1 min. rest 1 min. jog another min. tcher asked us to go for a jog round the sch if were ready. finished top 2 among the girls. was among the first few tt reached. i felt tt my stamina dropped quite alot. but perservered on. well in such a competitive world u cant afford to lose to other pple right.. did 200 step ups. rested here and there. it was irritating can. do so many not tired also kena torture until tired le la. played volley. it was fun. it always is.. aiyo gx nxt time can set to other pple also? we feel very sian standing there nt getting to hit lei.. saw something which i'd rather i hadnt saw. i spoilt my mood totally and my mind was in a daze all along, or to say nt in the right state of mind. but im nt crazy. plain disappointed at 2 things today. the first one i saw was still okay. but felt kinda sour in my heart. i know i shouldnt but i just cant help it.. dismissed frm pe.
continued volley.. we had lots of fun. and yet now. i saw another thing that made my heart sink. i couldnt help but think why that happened.. was it my fault? or wasnt it? i dont know.. didnt feel as enthu while playing volley after what i saw. but i thought of volley of a thing just to while my time away. and stop myself from think so much.
recess was over and the "sucker-la"aka pe tcher confiscated gloria's ball. which just appeared out of nowhere in our class. so for now we just have to use the old ball. but it should be okay. since i've got used to using almost any random volleyball. class was in chaos when i got in. chris was inside talking to some guys too. but simply to noisy. couldnt stand the noise. so i just came out. chinese lesson. write zuo wen. need to hand in on tues. but i'll complete it by monday. really gotta pia le. though exams are over.. but still need to work harder for end of yr and CA2. my results simply suck too much le. no break for me. no hols for me. just studying studying and more studying..
acc was fun. watching lame videos in the IT resource room. was talking almost thru it. then quite tired. so slept on my chair. cant stand it la i dun understand why we need to have acc. nvm its crap!
english was nxt. another movie then. "click" damn porno some parts la. the dog trying to F the stuff toy chicken. somemore fast forward de. then have what ultimate controller. cool man. can turn down a person's volume and fast fwd and backwards. can pause somemore. will be good coz when ur mom scold u just fwd everything then finish scolding le so can escape mah. or turn down the volume let her scold like nobody's business.
recently have been quite pissed off by disturbance, noise and seeing things i dont wanna see. so when pple disturb me. i hit them real hard coz since they try to disturb i'll take revenge. sorry tim accidentally kicked u on art fieldtrip that day.. those noisy pple in class. always walking around and saying crap to u in ur face. wont u be pissed off if u were me? then they'll start boasting their marks and keep on saying very low. its damn irritating can. i dont know why we were such good frens last yr and now u become like this. boasting ur marks to me. obviously u know i scored only okay marks. and yet u come kaopei me. there's a limit to my tolerance okay i tell u first. when i see things i dont wanna see. if it were last time. i will start confronting and saying crap. but now i choose the peaceful way. i'll tolerate what happened and pretend that nothing had happened. i dont wanna get angry over things easily.. but seems difficult. but i've done it today. i saw something. nt rly happy with it and the person. but tolerate tolerate tolerate! so i tolerated and kept the sadness and anger to myself. instead of venting it on somebody else.
that abt all. sry for the emo posts. but its inevitable to be nt emo when u're facing the amount of stress bigger than the universe and there are irritating ppl, noise and seeing things u dun wanna see..
5:02 PM
