Saturday, April 12, 2008
hurting pple isnt fun. esp when its ur closest person tt hurt you. the amount of pain is more than a million knives piercing through ur heart, and shattering it into a million pieces. even if initially it was me tt made u angry, but it made u think it was alright even if u hurt me right? im just a toy for u to vent ur anger, in ur opinion, and no other than venting ur anger and hurting me. when u said those words to me, did you consider how i would have felt? that i would be hurt? or was those hurting words so mild to you tt u din even think tt i would have felt hurt? well, if this is what u think. so be it. if u think it din hurt me, im okay with it. i dont care if u wanna hurt me again, cos my heart has alr many many deep scars tt cannot be erased. and even if the wound healed, when u see the scar, it would remind u of the pain when at the moment u gt hurt. this kind of scars in ur heart cannot be removed, even if there's plastic surgery for the organs. this pain is no ordinary one, since my heart has been scarred frm this.
another thing. i know today u purposely went with sm. to haunted hse, walk around the bazaar with her. u only went alone with her and you totally dao-ed me half the day, and in the end tell me it was ME that din wanna approach u? IT WAS MY FAULT? WAS I SUPPOSED TO APPROACH U? after hearing what jeanette told me abt xxx, the more i believed tt you treat her better. and now u are blaming me for this? u said it was cos i din approach u then u dao me right? yea yea all my wrong, my bad. SINCE U LIKED SOMEONE AT FIRST, WHY STEAD WIF ME? WHY HURT ME? WHY TREAT ME AS A SUBSTITUTION FOR HER? if it was cos u couldnt get her to stead with u, so u just accepted me, cos i liked u, and i was one of those tt liked u? this is nt a game. its serious. why hurt me when u din rly like me? if i was the one walking with another guy and dao-ing u for the whole day. and at the end of the day, i tell u we're just frens, and i dao u cos u din approach me to talk? how would u feel? wouldnt u feel hurt and betrayed? u told me u dao-ed me cos i din approach u, and u said u gave me chances. din i give u the same amt of chances too? i gave u chance too. and i tried to apologise already. it was u, just disappearing u everytime i wanna find u to talk to you. it was nt tt i din wanna take notice of you. i was angry and hurt. u know it. and ky told me is just a way of testing me. i beg to differ. at least i wouldnt pangsei my own bf just to go with another guy alone to another place right? are u showing tt u can do this as well huh? well if this is the message ur conveying to me, i would do this nxt time. i shall pangsei u for another guy. i still cannot understand why u decided to go with sm instead of me. and u two were alone, together. and u still told me tt u two are just frens? u think im an idiot? since u two like to be together, have it ur way. if u two wanna be together. i'll fulfil ur wish.
u just ignored me, nt considering how i felt. yep all my fault. yala my fault tt i dao u. my fault u ignored me. my fault u went with sm. my fault tt i look so happy without u. my fault tt u din approach me. my fault tt i din appraoach u. my fault tt i made u angry. my fault im so unreasonable. yes all my fault. my wrong. all mine. and nw i feel like crying it out so loud, and no one wants to lend a shoulder to me. well yep im bad, i deserve it. i deserve ur dao-ing. im wrong. everything's my fault. my biggest fault was falling into love with you.
8:31 PM
